


Practice Kissing

by Shatterpath



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BAMF Sif, Bachelorette Party, Darcy gets the best dialog, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Flirting, Kissing, Objectification, Pepper is an instigator, Roughhousing, Sassy Steve Rogers, Secret Relationship, Stripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-01 00:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5185103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shatterpath/pseuds/Shatterpath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(As inspired by comments and quotes from Tielan's fic 'Hidden in Plain Sight')<br/>"Last seen with Romanoff in suburbia." Hill frowns. "They used the drive in an Apple shop. And then PDA'd on an escalator."<br/>Nick takes a look at the feed. "Not bad. He needs practice."<br/>Maria snorts. "I'll put it on his training schedule right away, sir."<br/>Now I want the fic where the MCU ladies corner Steve like lionesses on the hunt and having him practice kissing each of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Practice Kissing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tielan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/gifts), [redbrunja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbrunja/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Hidden In Plain Sight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1441171) by [tielan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/pseuds/tielan). 



> I've been sitting on this for MONTHS, unable to move it past a certain point. Then I was struck with Cheeseball Steve in the USO show and this thing took OFF. I wrote 1874 words in like 4 hours to finish this up. (Yes, I'm counting. It's Nanowrimo!) So, this was inspired back in April, but is a classic case of 'better late than never'. Enjoy!

"… and he just wouldn't stop! Here I'm trying to win this damn poker tournament and he keeps singing that damn song into my comm!"

Cackling with laughter, the whole gaggle of them raised a toast and Darcy burst out into a drunken rendition of the dreaded song. Natasha merely sighed dramatically and flung a maraschino cherry with stunning accuracy to explode against the young woman's third eye. 

The bachelorette party had been somewhat of an impromptu affair, the ladies rallying around a very startled Jane Foster so that she wouldn't feel left out. Let the males get stupid and destructive with Thor, the women were quite capable of making their own entertainment, thank you very much.

Though, by the looks of the disheveled room and the amount of food and liquor they'd plowed through, they'd been plenty destructive on their own. In that vein, Darcy scrubbed the cherry juice off of her face and crowed in fine Asgardian fashion, "another!" Though she refrained from smashing anything at Jane's alarmed look. When no one jumped in, the pause faintly awkward, they all naturally looked to Pepper.

"Oh no, I think my 'oh-my-god-Tony-no' stories have dominated the evening quite enough, thank you."

There was a collection of laughter and boos, Natasha the only one to refrain because she was looking speculatively at Maria. The assistant director was very studiously ignoring the blue-green gaze trying to burn a hole in her temple.

"What about you, Hill? There must be something you can embarrass the boys with."

"Oh, there's plenty," Maria drawled with careful nonchalance. "You just probably know them already."

That make Natasha laugh with the rest of them, but that intense gaze never wavered.

And Maria knew why.

"Fine," she finally sighed dramatically. "And I'll get you a bit in the bargain, you mercenary."

Natasha's bared teeth were pure dare.

"After the shit hit the fan," there was a tiny, sobering pause that every one of them felt keenly before Maria shook it off and continued. "we were tracking you losers and it took me a bit of effort to 'liberate' the security footage without catching the attention of the traitors. I think I said something like, 'last seen with Romanoff in suburbia," and then I spotted the pair of you when that idiot Rumlow went right past you." Wracking her boozy gray matter, Maria's cartoonish expression was far funnier than the story so far, but the others were hanging on every word. Maria wasn't exactly a chatterbox, so everyone was dying of curiosity where she was going with it. Abruptly her comically intent face cleared into a grin. "Oh right, I remember now. I said, 'they used the drive in an Apple shop. And then PDA'd on an escalator.'"

That made Natasha snort with amusement. "Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable. Poor Steve, I thought he was gonna fall over."

When the tittering died down, Maria shared a weirdly commiserating look before continuing. "So Fury looked at the feed and commented-- and I remember his words quite clearly-- 'not bad. He needs practice.'"

Again, peals of merriment rang out before Jane spoke up. "Oh, there has got to be more than that."

"Of course there was! I snorted and told him that I'd put it on Roger's training schedule."

It took them a few minutes and a fresh round of drinks to calm down from that one.

"Man," Darcy sighed dramatically where she was half draped into Jane's lap. "wish it had been me. I'd donate a kidney to saddle him up for a ride."

The whole lot of them were going to be sore and hoarse from laughing come tomorrow.

"Was he really that awful?"

Natasha smirked. "I wasn't judging, being far more concerned with getting out of the situation alive."

"Excuses, excuses. If I ever got a chance, I'd sure pay attention!"

"Right," Jane snorted sarcastically. "Like Captain freakin' America is gonna come sauntering through that door to be the evening's entertain…"

The door opening caught their collective attention, but the shocked silence was entirely due to a very confused Steve Rogers standing there. "What? Did I spill on my shirt or something?"

Darcy urgently grabbed Jane's shirt and shook her. "Say 'money is gonna fall from the sky'. Say it! Please!" 

"Darcy! Dammit! You promised nothing tacky! Oh my god, I'm never going to be able to look at anyone in the eye ever again."

Shrugging, Pepper waved Steve to step in. "Well, if Tony was going to pull something, I hardly expected you, Steve, but I'm certainly not complaining. Come on in and show off!"

There was no mistaking that Steve was puzzled, but he gamely stepped into the lioness' den with a half-smile. "Sorry to interrupt, but Thor was getting lonely and the rest of the guys have been poured into bed, so we came looking. I told Thor we didn't need to split up, but y'know how he gets."

"You're not the entertainment."

Pepper's blunt comment earned groans of disappointment and Steve was once again completely baffled. Trying miserably to hide her grin, Natasha caught his attention. "Steve, this is a stag party. When a hot guy walks in, the ladies are hoping for a stripper."

His shock was priceless.

"Besides," Pepper sassed. "Maria brought up that little distraction technique Nat pulled on you while ducking Hydra and now all us poor, defenseless females are all curious. Are you a decent kisser, Steve Rogers?"

The sensual thrum in her question left Steve torn between curiosity and running screaming for the hills. An almost accusing glare at Natasha had her raising mockingly surrendering hands. "Don't look at me, I was paying more attention to survival than your technique or lack thereof. No matter how I might have teased you later."

Rubbing at faintly rosy cheeks, Steve manned up in spite of the giggling and strode over to a smirking Pepper. "Ignore her, I'm not lousy. But I can't prove it, 'cause Tony's hard enough to get along with, thanks."

Cackling, Pepper held out a hand to be helped up, which Steve obligingly did. "Tell you what, Cap," she said with that certain charismatic arrogance she was so good at. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone and tossed it to Jane. "We'll put it on tape and I'll blackmail Tony with it later. Deal?"

That made Steve add his own huff of laughter to the rest of them. "You are some kinda dame, Pepper."

"Damn right. Got it Jane?"

"Blackmail attempt, take one!"

Steve went for the full-on romance novel clutch, but smirked and smooched Pepper on the forehead. In retaliation, she swatted him ringingly on the shoulder. "Asshole. Next time I go for something more vulnerable."

Chuckling, Steve kissed her for real finally, but was clearly holding back. Still, it looked like fun and they made a strikingly handsome pair. When they parted, Pepper grinned and patted his cheek. "You're very sweet, Steve, for being a gentleman. Now go show off the skills I can feel wanting to bust out with someone unattached. I'm sure there won't be a lack of volunteers."

Now, while Steve might not get any sort of chemical reaction from alcohol, he could get a emotional contact high and all these fun-loving drunks were a riot. So he shrugged and delved into old memories, striking a cocky, exaggerated pose.

"Every bond you buy is a bullet in your best guy's gun."

For a moment, no one reacted, then Darcy snerked and most of them dissolved into giggling. With resigned helplessness, he naturally looked over to Natasha who shook her head in exasperated fondness. Shooting him a 'duh, you idiot' look, she slouched her body into a easy arrogance and mimicked hooking thumbs into a non-existent waistband. Then it clicked and Steve cradled his forehead in his hand for a moment, dialing up the giggling to full-blown laughter. But too often, in two different lifetimes, people forgot about Steve Rogers, the scrappy little shit from Brooklyn, was the man behind Captain America. And Steve Rogers had never backed down from a challenge in his life.

He was also fully aware that the sculpted body he inhabited now was a weapon built from the genes out. So he wracked his brain for every sheik and drugstore cowboy who he'd ever watched reel in the dames, rolled his shoulders into indolence and hooked his thumbs into his waistband, casually letting his fingertips call attention to the heavy seam of hidden buttons running along his groin. Channeling his inner wolf and the dregs of an accent nearly forgotten he drawled out his line again.

"Every bond you buy is a bullet in your best guy's gun."

The stunned silence held a completely different note that time and Steve preened smugly. Bucky would have been proud.

"Jesus, fuck me, Christ," Darcy cursed with wide eyes. "The rest of you saw that too? I'm not hallucinating? Or fantasizing?"

"Do we not toast such a stirring performance?"

It was Jane who snerked that time, in response to Sif's curious question.

"No glass on the floor, please, but by all means, another!" She yelled out the last word with enthusiasm, making Sif grin and raise her glass in toast to the unexpected entertainment. Steve fired Natasha a mock 'save me' look to which she fired back a comically exaggerated, 'I'm so proud' face, including wiping a fake tear.

"Some help you are," he muttered around a badly suppressed grin and quickly popped a few buttons loose on his shirt and took up a strongman pose. "You ready to help me sock ol' Adolf in the jaw?"

And so it went. With the lady of honor, he behaved himself again, but Darcy did her best to climb him so that she could scrub out his tonsils properly. Thankfully, she was far too drunk to be coordinated for a proper attack and he was able to carefully slip away. Natasha gave him a peck on the cheek commenting, "I've sampled the goods, thanks." However she did make him pose so that she could effortlessly hop up onto his shoulder to show off her best showgirl simper. As Steve had been reduced to his sleeveless undershirt, now rucked up above his abs, and had the top button of his jeans jerked loose by Darcy, it was a pretty funny picture.

But Sif got the best reaction, setting aside her drink to stalk arrogantly up to Steve and taking a pinch of the ribbed shirt fabric daintily between two fingers.

"Remove this," she ordered simply and Steve shrugged and did as ordered. In for a penny and all that. Nodding in approval, the Asgardian glanced around the room and gestured for him to follow a few long steps over to the small open area near the bar that was meant to be a dance floor. The others shifted for better seats to watch the show.

With a hand resting on Steve's bare chest, Sif spoke again. "You've no need to hold back, warrior. I am not spun of glass nor any such fragile things."

That was all the warning Steve got as she ducked a shoulder and came at him, slithering around him to unbalance him. Yelping in surprise, Steve managed to keep his footing, reflexively dropping into a defensive stance while Sif casually stalked around him.

"You poor lad, always having to hold back, save in the heights of combat."

With a flurry of kicks and punches, Sif drove Steve back until his ass collided with the back of the couch and he nearly upended himself into Pepper's lap. The ladies all squealed at the blur of contained violence, Natasha applauding and Maria just shaking her head. Steve grinned and made a lunge that Sif easily sidestepped, but it gained him a bit of maneuvering room. 

"Yeah, you'd be a hell of a prize to win. Your favors, I mean."

"You had best mean that, good sir," she sniffed arrogantly while they paced around one another like enormous, dangerous cats. 

There were a few more feints and grabs, nothing meant to harm, but to subdue. The bar creaked and shook with the collision of their bodies, earning a rousing cheer and Natasha wisely decided she was too close to the wild animals and retreated to the couch with the others. 

"S'like Klingons," Darcy explained with drunken wisdom. "Fightin' as foreplay. Get 'im, Sif!"

A full-body shove had Steve off balance again and Sif pressed her advantage, driving him back towards the door. The door that opened quite suddenly and a startled Thor managed to only just get his hands up. Steve squawked at being suddenly pinned between their two inhumanly powerful bodies, jolting with Thor's boisterous laughter.

"I see the festivities have taken on a proper turn. Go on then, my captain!"

Putting his shoulder behind it, the big man gave the combatants a hearty shove so that he could close the door and skirt the room to his Jane.

"Careful! Sif needs no weapons to send you home crying like a little boy!"

"Thanks, big guy," Steve sassed back wryly, bit kept his gaze on Sif's malicious grin. In another flurry of controlled violence, Steve went ass over teakettle in a splay of long limbs and was quickly pinned by Sif plunking herself down on his chest, locking her legs around his arms.

"Do you yield?"

"Yep. You got me fair and square. Uncle."

"Uncle?"

"Yeah, calling uncle is a yield."

"Very well. You are a worthy opponent, Steve Rogers. I would like to do that again at your leisure."

"Sure thing."

Slipping her weight sinuously down his body made Steve make an undignified noise, cut off by a firm kiss by his conqueror. And it was no sweet little nuzzle either. The others were cheering outrageously by the time she let up and Steve grinned dazedly.

"Yeah, anytime," he sighed happily and no one laughed harder than his two teammates at his almost blissed-out expression. Every inch the haughty, dignified goddess, Sif stood and sauntered back to her seat and her drink as though nothing of consequence has transpired. Cracking up, Thor went to Steve to offer a hand pulling him up.

"Is he not a fine specimen? Perhaps a comparison, then?"

Not bothering to note who was cringing and who was hollering for more, Thor yanked his shirt off and slung an arm around Steve's cringing shoulders.

"Come, friend! We are men of the highest caliber! Revel in the attentions of these noble women!"

Goaded on by the Thunder god and the high energy in the room, Steve allowed himself to indulge in the sensual silliness, posing in exaggerated manly fashion until everyone was wrung out from laughing.

"Holy shit," Pepper yiked into a sudden lull. "Is that the time? I don't know about the rest of you, but this gal is going to turn into a pumpkin if she doesn't leave the ball. I have a phone conference in like four hours."

That sent them all into a flurry of getting their things together to head back to their respective rooms. Pepper waved off Jane's apology and kissed the small scientist warmly on the cheek. 

"Nothing to apologize for, sweetie. I had a hell of a good time. Thanks, boys, for playing along. I'll be sure you get copies of the pictures."

They chorused farewells as Pepper swept out, Thor scooping up a very limp Darcy like a child, barely awake. She made lazy grabby hands in Steve's general direction. "Thoooooor, don't wanna go. He's yummy an' I'm huuuuuuuuuuuungry!"

Completely amused, he waited for the snickering to die down, cradling her close and deadpanning, "ah, but little sister, would you still respect him in the morning?"

In the riot of laughter, Steve yanked his long-sleeved shirt on, letting it hang open over the tank top. Collecting a tipsy Jane, the Asgardians and their favorite humans passed around farewells and left the three former Shield agents in the sudden quiet.

"Y'know, you missed somebody," Natasha said casually and earned a flat, faintly dirty look from Maria. Steve's response was to look thoughtful, a playful grin playing at the corner of his mouth.

"I did, didn't I?"

"Oh no, leave me out of your playboy shenanigans," Maria stated and waved the two of them off. But the stereo pleading looks made her cross her arms and stare them down. "Are you kidding me, you two? Who are you, Puss in Boots?"

That made them laugh and swap a high-five.

"Tell you what, Romanoff, I'll walk her back to her room, fair enough?"

"I don't need an escort, Rogers."

"Aw c'mon, humor the scary assassin lady."

Grumbling about the insanity of superheroes, Maria gathered her few things, sarcastically gesturing to the door when Steve and Nat dawdled over a brief conversation.

"Well?"

Steve chuckled at her impatience and swept Natasha up into a crushing hug before trotting after Maria. "G'night, partner!"

Later, with the rising dawn, Steve woke and stretched, enjoying the feel of the fine cotton sheets against his bare skin. It had been a fun night for sure. Rolling over, he nuzzled into the back of Maria's neck and shoulders, kissing over her silky skin. Yes, he'd escorted her to her door and happily taken up the invitation to come inside. She made a sleepy noise, coming half awake to squirm back into his warmth.

"Do you think Natasha suspects?"

That made Maria half chuckle and half scoff. "We're talking about Natasha here. Of course she suspects. Frankly, I'm surprised she just didn't order us off to bed."

Rolling to her back, Maria traced the shape of Steve's smile in the half-light. 

"I really expected you to plant one on me in all that chaos." 

Pausing to kiss her briefly, he replied, "I almost did, but I appreciate the discretion we've pulled off so far, and that seemed like the worst place to come out, so to speak."

Chuckling darkly, Maria snuggled up to his body and relished the feel of him. "Sif sure seemed interested."

"Well, I can't say the offer wasn't tempting-- she's right about the holding back part-- but I'm good where I'm at."

"Sweet talker."

"Yeah well, see, there's this woman I like, tough and smart and secretive. Just my type."

"Rogers?"

"Hmm?"

"Shut up."

"Yes ma'am."

**Author's Note:**

> The original inspirational IM conversation:  
> RainbowRiddler: o_o  
> Shatterpath: I totally want Pepper to instigate this, because he'd about drop his teeth and Nat would die laughing  
> RainbowRiddler: Oh god  
> Shatterpath: only Jane refuses to play, she's too embarrassed. I'm not sure who messes with the poor boy more, Darcy or Sif  
> RainbowRiddler: Oh christ...  
> Shatterpath: Steve saying, "I gotta say, I'm not used to being held down..." Sif smirks, the others howl. Tony needling him later. "I dunno if watching that 'security footage' means I should like challenge you to a duel or get really turned on." Steve, *sigh* I just have to figure out how they get him to say yes! Heh... Jane's stag party? All of them a bit tipsy? Except Nat and Sif. They're just enjoying the other's shenanigans. Only Thor and Steve are sober in their party, and Steve doesn't wanna make Thor leave the party  
> RainbowRiddler: LOL  
> Shatterpath: dunno if they actually talk him into half-stripping for Jane, but they'll try  
> RainbowRiddler: BWAHAHAHAHAA. Steve or Thor? Both would be hilarious. LOL Thor would be all about it.  
> Shatterpath: oh no, it's just poor Steve  
> RainbowRiddler: And Steve just all...blushing baby boy  
> Shatterpath: though.... Thor showing up and stripping off his shirt and challenging Steve to do the same? That could be hilarious  
> RainbowRiddler: I just have this image of all the girls hooting at them, Steve all blushing and Thor just being Thor  
> Shatterpath: Thor flexing and strutting  
> RainbowRiddler: And Thor, already mostly nude, just swats Steve on the shoulder or butt or something "Come, friend! We are men of the HIGHEST CALIBER!"  
> Shatterpath: *is dead laughing* I'll channel Hems tormenting poor Evans  
> RainbowRiddler: LOL  
> Shatterpath: the author whose thread this came from is a Steve/Maria fan, so I could at least hint at that


End file.
